So now that you have had time to digest what the 5 stages of change actually are, I think it is important to go over how to actually use these principles to help your loved one (or YOURSELF) move towards real recovery. Consider this example:

Imagine I have a friend with a cocaine addiction. Lets say my friend is out using daily. Clearly addicted. Seeking, spending tons on cocaine, and displaying no interest in trying to change. In fact all he thinks about, and I mean the absolute only thing he thinks about, is the next time he can use cocaine. One day he makes his way home where he is told by his parents (or girlfriend, or friend, or whomever) that he must go straight to cocaine rehab that day. An ultimatum. He ignores the inquiry and anything that goes with it, no matter how heart-felt. Instead he goes out, and, well, uses. This event goes on and repeats itself time and time again. Any progress made? I suppose not.

Let's step back, this person is clearly in the precontemplation stage (stage 1). There is no thought or interest in changing whatsoever. You may say "but he was invited to move to the next stage, why did it fail?!" The answer is because he was not actually invited to move on to the next stage. They skipped ahead. He was in stage 1, and he was invited to jump all the way to stage 4. For an addict, this is a VERY long jump. This is not to say there isn't a place for ulitmatums or interventions, because there is place for those things, but instead consider the following:

Say this same individual made his way home and his family (again, or friend, or girlfriend, etc) said to him "I'm glad you are home. I have been worried about you. I know you may not be worried about yourself right now, but I want you to be around. I am worried you may end up in jail, or in the hospital, or worse, dead. Do you realize you might die from this? Do you realize you might end up in jail? I am not trying to just 'preach' to you -- just to tell you that I love you and want you to be okay. You can do what you want with it, but here is some information about a group that meets to talk about cocaine addictions..."

Did you notice any changes? This time his supporter talked to him about his problem while focusing on the halmarks of Stage 2 (instead of stage 4). These halmarks of stage 2 are primarily about increasing the user's awareness of the problem, and planting seeds for a desire to change in the first place. This is instead of going directly to an expectation of change (more of stage 4).

I know what you are thinking. That won't make him change. Maybe you are right, but it might just give him the best chance to change. Smaller steps are more palatable.

So here is the key:
1)Focus on first identifying what stage they are stuck in.
2)Then focus on identifying what is the halmark of the next stage?
3)No matter how much you want them to move to the last stage focus on trying them to move to the NEXT stage. Slow progress is better than no progress.
4)Treat a relapse like a step back to the previous stage instead of starting over all together.

I will post a list of the halmarks of each stage to focus on next... Have you visited the forum yet to talk about what you are going through?
www.RiseAboveAddiction.com

Changing Addiction -- The Five Stages of Change

Everyone always wants to know: “What is the path to recovery?” The answer to that, as it turns out, is quite personal. However, there are few pointers that you can use to measure where you or your loved one are at along that path. The Cancer and Prevention Research Center (CPRC) has come up with what they call the Transtheoretical Model of the Stages of Change. Obviously, recovery is a path to change and behavioral modification. It is a process of changing behaviors, and at times more difficultly, thinking. These stages of change become useful in that when you identify in what stage someone is residing you can identify what the next step should be. I will explain further how to actually use the transtheoretical model, but first, here are the stages of change:

1) Precontemplation Stage

In this stage the individual has no plans or intention at all to change their behavior. Many in this stage may actually be unaware of their problem in the first place. Unfortunately, leaving this stage may be the hardest.

2) Contemplation Stage

This stage is hallmarked by awareness of the problem and serious consideration about taking action to overcome it, but no real commitment has been made.

3) Preparation Stage

The preparation stage is where intention meets some sort of behavioral change. It includes the intent to take action in the next month. It also includes having taken action unsuccessfully in the last year.

4) Action Stage

This is where real modification of behaviors, experiences or their environment actually happens. This
stage requires significant amounts of energy and time.

5) Maintenance Stage

This stage begins approximately 6 months after action has been successfully carried out. During this stage people work hard to prevent relapses and consolidate the things they have learned and accomplished in the previous 4 stages. They actively use the techniques that got them this far maintain their recovery.

There are so many parts to this transtheoretical model that it is worth digesting it for a day. Think about behavioral modification. What stage are you in? What stage is your loved one in? Are they showing signs of working on the next stage? I’ll write more about how to actually use these stages and give an example or two tomorrow. Leave a comment, tell me what you think and where you or your loved one is at...or discuss this entry in the forum.
James Snow

Have you joined the addiction support forum yet? Don’t miss out.

For Families and Friends

It probably is impossible to put into words the complexity of aching feelings a parent, family member, or friend feels at the sight of their loved one spiraling out of control. You have most likely felt some if not all of these: profound sadness, confusion, guilt, anger, desperation, helplessness, deep loneliness, fear, and even betrayal. It is a scary thing to face all of these things alone. But that is just it, you don’t have to face it alone! No matter how lonely you feel, there are millions just like you facing the reality of their loved one who is struggling with addiction. There are millions who are dealing with losses like yours. Isn’t it time to be supported? Many think about how hard it is for the person struggling with addiction and forget about the heavy load carried by those who love them. Some may even argue it is harder and more painful at times for the family or friend because they are often more aware of the unfortunate consequences the addict may inherit from their addiction.
Well, it is time for you to know it is okay to cry. It is okay to feel sad. However, you also ought to know it is okay to laugh when you can. It is okay to hope. It is okay to ask for help. It is okay to ask for support. It is okay to pray.
I love to look at pictures of the old Greek architecture. Have you ever noticed the abundance of impressive huge white stone columns? Powerful, aren’t they? Take the Parthenon for instance. Do you think any one pillar alone could hold up the massive roof structure? Not for a second. You should not expect so much of yourself either. Coping with a spouse, family member, or loved one who suffers from an addiction requires the support of others. There are many resources. In fact, we have started compiling some of these resources here on this site. In time, we hope to build the single largest addiction resources guide in the world. It does not matter where you go to find support, just find support. We are also building what we hope will become the largest online addiction support forum in the world. We invite you to join now for free and help us build something special together. Go to a meeting near you, call a friend, join a support group online or in person – you do not need to be alone anymore!
www.riseaboveaddiction.com
James Snow

Have you seen our section on addiction resources?

Have you ever been shocked at the power of an addiction to utterly tie someone down? Or have you been astonished at its power to rob everything that is good from the lives of its prey? Perhaps YOU are even now in the strangling grip of addiction. Or maybe your heart is breaking at the sight of your precious loved one trapped by the awful monster. No matter the addiction – be it an addiction to drugs, alcohol, tobacco, pornography, gambling, or even gamming – the nature of the beast is the same. In fact, all addictions are the creation of the self-same dark and subtle beast. To escape the beast (and yes, yes, YES – escape is possible!) you need to understand the nature of the beast. What ever brought you to this site, you should be commended! And trust me, please trust me, you should keep reading.
Addiction is like no other creature on earth. It is subtle and crafty, seemingly harmless at times, but deadly to the core. Addiction often likes to masquerade as your best friend and cozy up to you and tell you with puppy dog eyes that it means you no harm. It will even tell you over and over that you are in control and that even if it were dangerous you could destroy him in an instant. While the addict is busy being deceived however, what I call ‘the great subversion’ is already underway. Behind his smile hides his true intention. He desires for you to feel pain, misery, embarrassment, humiliation, and ultimately he will not stop short of your total destruction. I mean it. Make no mistake – ADDICTION HATES YOU with a passion that is full of rage and furry like no other. Remember that fact. Remember it daily. Remind yourself daily. Remind your loved ones. It is critically important to know his true intentions. While the battle to rise above addiction is often as much chemical as it is a battle of logic and the mind, you must keep his true intentions constantly in the front of your mind to win the battle of logic and the mind.
You will notice I try very hard not to use the words “beat addiction” or “conquer addiction.” I think such terminology plays right into his ugly hand. Saying that someone can ‘beat addiction’ sounds like a one-time victory in which the beast is defeated once and for all. Now, to be clear, I am not a pessimist, and without a doubt, my whole intent is to help those affected by addiction find real recovery and maintain real recovery. But it does no good to give the impression that once someone has control of their life the awful beast will never attack them again. That is his lie! Perhaps there are in fact those who will find ways to arrange their lives such as to never be agonized by the beast again. For true, the beast’s only power is the power we give him. But it is far safer to admit this fact: real recovery takes work, and maintaining recovery takes sustained work. He is always stalking your perimeter looking for weaknesses in your fence or for a gate left open. Once real recovery is reached, you must never be sloppy. Furthermore you must never forgive the beast! That sounds silly doesn’t it? Who would ever forgive such a monster after his hateful violence on the soul? Consider this little tale of two kingdoms.
There was once a beautiful kingdom named the Kingdom of Green Hills. It was one of the most pleasant kind-spirited places on earth. There was peace throughout the land and the people held all of their neighbors in warm and close regard. One of the neighboring kingdoms named Sharp Rocks gained the confidence of the people of Green Hills. Green Hills had even defended Sharp Rocks from its enemies. Green Hills rescued Sharp Rocks from economic demise more than once at great cost to their own people. It seemed there was no kingdom more loved by Green Hills than that of Sharp Rocks. Then one peaceful day without warning the King of Sharp Rocks assembled his people into a vast army and in a premeditated act of war they savagely attacked the people of Green Hills. There was no mercy in the eyes of the attackers. By the time the people of Green Hills were able to defend themselves and repel the invaders, great destruction had already been done. The survivors suffered almost unmentionable injury. They vowed in bitter anger and pain they would NEVER trust the people of Sharp Rocks again. They vowed such betrayal and treachery would never be forgotten. For a short time they tightened their borders and protected themselves. Unfortunately, it seems, their only weakness was that of a short memory. Within a few months, the people of Green Hills relaxed their security and began again to trust completely the people of Sharp Rocks again. They were certain the people of Sharp Rocks would never attack again. But sadly, the people of Sharp Rocks attacked again and with more savagery and horror than the first time.
It does seem silly. Who would forgive such treachery? Such offenses between two nations in real life would not be so quickly forgotten. And neither should they be so quickly forgotten with addiction! The nation who was betrayed would never trust the offending nation again, or at least not for many, many years. And yet many facing addictions are quick to forget how badly deeply their addictions hurt them and they turn right around and trust the beast again. Such is the subtly of the beast. Beware.
The truth of addiction is this: you must live everyday with the pointed tip of your outstretched sword at the neck of the dragon; ready to strike it if it so much as moves. If you remember anything you have ready today it is that. Live your life as far from it as you can, but never be fooled, to maintain recovery, you must sustain effort! This is why I try not to use the term “beat addiction.” You must Rise Above Addiction. You must live above addiction.
All of that said, I hope everyone reading this will lift up their heads and smile. Today is a special day. There is hope! You can live above addiction! Families can find hope and consolation. Now where do I start, you ask? The fact that you’re here shows you have already started! For so many that is probably the hardest step.
Next you need you need to ask for help. That includes admitting that you cannot control this part of your life. You cannot and should not trust yourself, and that is okay. If you have not already appealed to a Higher Power to help you through this, now is the time. Any attempt at recovery and the strength to maintain recovery will meet the best success if you seek God and involve Him. The same is especially true for families and friends. You will find strength and wisdom and be able to provide help far beyond your own if you seek God in your life. (more about how to find God later, but if you cannot wait, contact me) You will need to turn your life over to someone you trust, your family a friend, a bishop or clergy member, an addiction treatment center or rehab center. All of this depends on the type and degree of addiction, of course. Finally, it is absolutely essential to seek professional help, from something as simple as calling a quit smoking hotline, to something as involved as inpatient drug rehab.
For all types of addiction check back daily for new posts. There will be more specialized posts to come. Feel free to register to receive email updates when I update my blog. You can also add our RSS feed. Also feel free to leave comments and send me feedback about topics you want to see in the future. Stay tuned, this is going to be good…
www.riseaboveaddiction.com
James Snow

Have you joined the Addiction Forum yet?