Link: http://www.RiseAboveAddiction.com/forum/

So now that you have had time to digest what the 5 stages of change actually are, I think it is important to go over how to actually use these principles to help your loved one (or YOURSELF) move towards real recovery. Consider this example:

Imagine I have a friend with a cocaine addiction. Lets say my friend is out using daily. Clearly addicted. Seeking, spending tons on cocaine, and displaying no interest in trying to change. In fact all he thinks about, and I mean the absolute only thing he thinks about, is the next time he can use cocaine. One day he makes his way home where he is told by his parents (or girlfriend, or friend, or whomever) that he must go straight to cocaine rehab that day. An ultimatum. He ignores the inquiry and anything that goes with it, no matter how heart-felt. Instead he goes out, and, well, uses. This event goes on and repeats itself time and time again. Any progress made? I suppose not.

Let's step back, this person is clearly in the precontemplation stage (stage 1). There is no thought or interest in changing whatsoever. You may say "but he was invited to move to the next stage, why did it fail?!" The answer is because he was not actually invited to move on to the next stage. They skipped ahead. He was in stage 1, and he was invited to jump all the way to stage 4. For an addict, this is a VERY long jump. This is not to say there isn't a place for ulitmatums or interventions, because there is place for those things, but instead consider the following:

Say this same individual made his way home and his family (again, or friend, or girlfriend, etc) said to him "I'm glad you are home. I have been worried about you. I know you may not be worried about yourself right now, but I want you to be around. I am worried you may end up in jail, or in the hospital, or worse, dead. Do you realize you might die from this? Do you realize you might end up in jail? I am not trying to just 'preach' to you -- just to tell you that I love you and want you to be okay. You can do what you want with it, but here is some information about a group that meets to talk about cocaine addictions..."

Did you notice any changes? This time his supporter talked to him about his problem while focusing on the halmarks of Stage 2 (instead of stage 4). These halmarks of stage 2 are primarily about increasing the user's awareness of the problem, and planting seeds for a desire to change in the first place. This is instead of going directly to an expectation of change (more of stage 4).

I know what you are thinking. That won't make him change. Maybe you are right, but it might just give him the best chance to change. Smaller steps are more palatable.

So here is the key:
1)Focus on first identifying what stage they are stuck in.
2)Then focus on identifying what is the halmark of the next stage?
3)No matter how much you want them to move to the last stage focus on trying them to move to the NEXT stage. Slow progress is better than no progress.
4)Treat a relapse like a step back to the previous stage instead of starting over all together.

I will post a list of the halmarks of each stage to focus on next... Have you visited the forum yet to talk about what you are going through?
www.RiseAboveAddiction.com